A Perspective on Taking Charge of Death

"I met Brenda when she decided to seek hospice care. In addition to kidney failure, she had numerous ailments including painful, golf-ball-sized sores throughout her body. She was paralyzed from the waist down, and her swollen body, yellowish skin, and sunken eyes spoke of her suffering, yet she greeted me with a warm smile.

After nine years of dialysis treatments, Brenda was fully aware that she was steadily losing ground. Despite the disapproval of her two adult daughters, she did something most unusual in the American medical system: she took charge of her own death. She informed her doctor that she’d decided to stop dialysis and all other tests and treatments and that she wanted hospice care.

Brenda knew that her decision was a death sentence. Without dialysis, patients usually die within days to weeks, depending on the amount of kidney function left and their overall medical condition. Despite the fact that she had just completed her final dialysis treatment, Brenda seemed relieved. “I’m tired of being tired; I’m tired of treatments that no longer help me; I’m tired of living,” she explained.

As we spoke, it was clear to me that this courageous woman had a firm grasp on the realities of her situation, so I asked, 'Have you made funeral arrangements?'

'No, but I need to. My two girls don’t want to talk about it. Can you help me?'

'Ask them to visit tomorrow; I’ll stop by and help start the conversation.'"

The article goes on to discuss how with the help of the author the patient's daughters were able to begin coming to terms with death and ultimately carrying out their mother's wishes.

To read the full Huffington Post article, Click Here.