4 Key Actions To Calm Down Someone With Dementia

1. At first, mimic their distress and repeat what they’re saying.
Seeming to be as distressed as they are shows that you understand and accept their feelings. You’re on their side.

You could also use this technique to pick up clues to how they’re feeling or what’s bothering them. That will help you when you’re ready to move on to problem-solving. Teepa briefly does this at 56 seconds in the video.

2. Use the hand in the hand over hand method
When someone is upset, they may already be holding their hands out to you. If that’s the case, it’s the perfect opportunity to take their hand in a natural manner like Teepa does at 45 seconds in the video.

If they don’t offer their hand, try offering yours. When someone is in distress, they’re more likely to welcome this comforting gesture from someone who is on their side.

Avoid pulling or grabbing their hand if they don’t offer or willingly accept, that may feel like an attack to someone who is already distressed.

When holding their hand, try to stand on their dominant side (their writing side). This will make them more comfortable and help them relax.

3. Take exaggerated deep breaths, putting the emphasis on breathing out
Transition from copying their distress to taking slow deep breaths. Put a big emphasis on blowing the breath out. That helps to relax their ribcage so they’ll be able to take in more oxygen.

4. Pump into their palm in a heartbeat-like rhythm – squeezing and releasing with your hand
Continue the deep breathing while you start to gently pump (apply pressure into) their palm.

For extra comfort, keep your forearm along their forearm while you pump their palm.

Be sure to watch their reaction to make sure the palm pump is providing comfort and isn’t causing pain or discomfort. If your older adult is frail or has arthritis in their hands, be gentle and avoid any known tender spots